Make My Mind Stop! – 4 Suggestions

Make My Mind Stop! – 4 Suggestions

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When your mind is racing and all you want to do is to make it stop, what do you do?

There are so many suggestions out there from the holistic aromatherapy approach, to the go to the gym and sweat your batoody off, to writing in a journal.  Many entrepreneurs, especially the stay at home mom kind, have their brain hardwired to think all day long.  It never shuts off.  When you lay your head down at night thats what it is the worst.

I can understand this more than anyone, my mind goes a mile a minute, especially at night when I want it to shut off.

What bills do I need to pay?

What am I going to cook for dinner?

What affiliate programs can I join?

How can I get more people for my portfolio?

What books should I read to help others?

Am I even going to succeed at this?

This right here is when the spinout of thoughts turns negative.  Self talk is so essential to an entrepreneur, so anyone really.  If you continually talk negatively then that is what will remain in your life.

In the book, “Mindset Magic: Using Scientific & Spiritual Principles to Create Your Life” it states “that if you claim something (think something) and claim it to be true your subconscious mind or amygdala will accept and bring forth into your experiences.”  So basically, what this book is saying that there is scientific proof that you can bring into existence peace, calmness, and all things positive is we just BREAK THE BROKEN RECORD OF DOUBT AND NEGATIVITY IN OUR BRAINS.

What is the reason we always go to the negative?

Some will say that it is because we had some type of experience in our earlier lifetime that has created this negative aspect about ourselves or a situation and it just keeps repeating until something happens where that chain is broken.

For me, I have a lot of experiences in my lifetime that has created the Negative Nancy tape in my head, but as an entrepreneur I am most guilty of comparing myself to others.

Why can’t I just look like her?

When I look like her or sound like her I will make more money.

My business doesn’t look like hers so thats why I am not making money.

I need to look prettier, skinnier…..and the list goes on, and on, and on……..and on.

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Society today looks at the exterior, your skins, your hair, your nails, you clothes, what your driving, where you live, as depicted in this image by Meg Gaiger from Harpy Images. If you do not fit in societies cookie cutter mold or what “the Jone’s” dictate as what’s in then your not part of it, your labeled, your an outcast.

The fact of the matter is, it all comes down to one thing….HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELF.

What? What the heck does that mean?

My feelings are controlled by my thoughts and when my thoughts are negative then my feelings will be negative.  It is basically the proverbial chicken and the egg at that point.  When I feel I am not up to someones or myself’s standards my thoughts will find that negative tape and play it over and over.  On the other hand, when I am feeling confident, loved, on top of the world, worthy my mind will play the positive tape.

I know this has to be confusing, am I making any sense?

So, the key to stopping that negativity in your head will come down to what you want to do to help yourself.  Here are a few suggestions that will help when the Negativity Monster comes after you:

  1.  Come up with some positive mantras.    I am beautiful. I am worthy.  I am going to be the success I know I am going to be.  I am loved.   Remember, get your subconscious to understand it is true and forever change the tape and your life.

  2. Meditate or Breathing Exercises.   Mediation helps with relaxation, clearing your mind, and pulling you back into the present moment.  Being present in the moment is important because when we are over thinking or having a racing mind it is due to either looking towards the past, which is full of regret, or the future which is full of fear. 

  3. Soak in a Hot Bath.    ****this is my favorite method****  This is not something that is a medical explanation here, it is simply one of my personal methods to helping calm my mind.  Running a hot bath, maybe some bubbles, a good book or some candles and just zone out.  This is also a great time to combine mediation with this method.

  4. Journalling.  Writing what your thinking and what your feeling is so important on finding out the real, striped down thinking is all about.  Do not hold back, by raw, be real, be authentic in your writing so that way you can either look back and laugh, look back and realize you have had this issue before and it is creating a pattern, or look back and see how far you have come.

  5. Gratitude Lists.   Thinking of something positive will hopefully make you see and think of ho amazing your life really is.  

  6. Sleep!

There is so many other methods out there.  I can spend days and days listing them all.  Most people, actually 1 in 5 people have anxiety and depression, which can be tied to a chemical imbalance, but can also be tied to experiences that a person has gone through or is going through.  So, spending the time to uncover what is really going on will help you get through to the other side.

The mind, our thoughts are all an amazing thing.  Just like our bodies we need to take care of it.

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That Area…you know, that hurts!

That Area…you know, that hurts!

Completely and utterly blessed!

It is so very easy for me to say this when I am having a good day or more importantly things are going MY way.  If it’s not going my way then I am a very large 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum both in my head and to everyone that will listen to me and not want to listen to me, just let it go.

I don’t know why I do this, maybe because I haven’t grew out of that little child within me or maybe it’s because I just feel like I am right (That’s the sales person in me), or maybe it’s because I just like to debate…and that just boils down to wanting to be right.

Ever just come across a person that just irks you, that makes you lose control of what you say or do…it’s just an automatic reaction?

There is someone that I know that gets so under my skin and I love this person very much.  So many of my friends, family, and my sponsor say that the qualities that I see in this person is what I harbor in me and that is why it bothers me so much that I cannot control myself.  I practice a program and they do not, so I have to hold myself to different standards.

Most people in recovery will tell you…if it makes you feel something then you should look at it or what step are you practicing?  When it comes to this person I do not practice steps.  This person is controlling, selfish, and self-centered.  There is always motives when they do something.  When they are nice there is always a hidden agenda.  They will tell you they love you and that they care, but the only way to show it is to buy you something and then throw it in your face.  Love is not materialist anyway.

Overtime, after knowing them you see the real them…and I was always asked if you know they act like this, then why do you let it bother you so much?  You can say that I hold them to a different standard, I seek their approval, that I want to see them happy, but yet nothing ever makes them happy.

ENOUGH! THIS IS THE PROBLEM….WELL WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

The solution is within me, it’s my decision, my choices to entertain such negativity.  If they are exactly like me, an addict, but they do not have the drugs or hit their bottom yet to know they have these issues then I have to compassionate.  I have to listen to what is being said to me and not just react to everything that comes out their mouth or what they do.

I was told that if they are use to me being defensive, argumentative, and verbally aggressive than that is what they always expect of me.  How can you change anything if you do not do something different?

Step 1 – I cannot control them only myself and my reactions.

Step 2 – Do something different.  Instead of run at the mouth or cause myself grief; listen, be more agreeable, be loving towards a person that is sick.

Step 3 – Trust that the differences that I do portray will change the relationship dynamic.

Caveat: I do not have to accept the unacceptable!

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Hold up?  What does that mean?  I do not have to be a doormat.  Being agreeable does not mean letting them just walk on me and being taken advantage of.  For me, it’s always been all or nothing.  I do something and give it my all or I just will not do it.  Remembering that caveat protects me from going to extremes when trying to practice the steps that I have in my life.

There is so much more that I could say about this, but really that sums it up.  Its really just that simple.  The program I am in is just that simple.  I do not practice this perfectly, but it’s getting better.  If any part of this post has reached you, if you are still reading and going….wow, Andrea I know what you mean I can relate to this; I have a person in my life exactly like this and I do not know what to do…then just stop, know that you have a choice.

 

 

 

Let’s Talk About…Love Baby…

Let’s Talk About…Love Baby…

What the heck is love anyway?  I’ve thought I have been “in-love” before, I have told people I love them when I really didn’t, and didn’t really know what love was until I became a mother; even then I don’t think I do it perfectly.  When you get into the a 12 step program they talk about, “We will love you till you can love yourself,” “unconditional love,” and “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.”  Let’s pick this apart here.

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We will love you till you can love yourself, with unconditional love, but you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.  

What!! Is this for real?

Yes, absolutely!

It is the weirdest thing I have ever experienced, but it works and it really shows a person how love can have such a powerful presence in one’s life, all by example.  I can remember my first meeting  (I am sure if you are aware of 12 step programs what I am about to say or have heard it a million times already) I sat in the back of the room and intently listened to the stories, thoughts and emotions that were being expressed.  All I could think was, Wow I have done that.  Are you kidding me?  I felt that way too.  I spoke up and just said a simple, “I need help.”  People were cheering, people told me I was important, and most of all they hugged me like I have never been hugged before.

What is this?  Why are people hugging me?

Out on the streets I have never got hugged like that; with such passion and empathy with each person.  That was the first time I felt unconditional love.  These people wanted nothing in return from me, but for me to get better a day at a time.  Was this love?

It took some time for me to understand what this love was all about.  My time, thus far in the program,  has been calm waters for the most part.  As I have told you in other posts that I was in an abusive relationship before I got clean, well what I haven’t told you was that man decided to follow me down to Virginia to “get his family back.”  Since I was very, very early in my recovery I wanted to make my family work, I wanted to be loved, and I wanted to show my daughter the same love that was given to me when I was growing up with a mother and father in the same house, and I thought no other person is going to love me because I didn’t love or accept myself.

He no longer…physically…abused me, but emotionally and verbally did, but I made excuses for him because I thought I loved him and he was in a bad spot…but he was trying.  I became his sponsor and he became my Higher Power.  In February 2015, I just had learned my patterns and a little on how I ticked.  What I would accept and keep on accepting because I didn’t know any better. Until that day when it was shoved in my face; he told me he was lying to me the entire time.  He had been using under my nose.  While I was working a full time job to support us, take care of all the bills, our daughter, go to meetings, do the laundry, and show him attention…he was out getting high.

Whoa! Stop the music! What just happened here!

Enough was enough!  I finally found enough worth in myself. I finally found enough love for MYSELF that what he was doing was not acceptable to me.  That I would rather be by myself with my daughter than with a man that was lying to me. That didn’t show me love in any form.

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We will love you till you can love yourself, with unconditional love, but you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.  

I finally got it! The greatest example of love was learned by the relationship with my sponsor. She taught me what was acceptable, how to show love (and not in the physical form which is what I thought love was) and slowly showed me how to receive love.  Unconditional love is love without wanting anything in return.  My ex’s love always came with a price; I love you baby….do this, do that, can you get me this…awe baby I love you thank you.  Finally, I understood the fact that he did not love himself, so it’s not that he didn’t love me, he didn’t know how to love me.

No one can tell you how to love yourself, or if you’re ready to love another person.  Even when my son was born, during the start of my real downfall of my active addiction years, I knew I loved him, but I was very unsure how to show him that love.  My idea of what love was consisted of spending money and gifts.  I have always associated love with gifts that you can give a person because that was what my mom did.  We use to get into arguments when I was younger and then my mom would take me shopping to show me she was sorry and she loved me.  After that she would say well look at everything I have done for you, I love you sweetie.  Love always came with a price or a condition.

It wasn’t until I had my daughter that I truly started to understand what love really was.  That I knew that it had to be more than what I was able to give her materialistically to show her love or at least I knew that I wanted to show her more than just that.  Thank goodness for the 12 step fellowships that helped me not just HOPE I could show this to her, but taught me how to love her, myself, and others.

No one person is perfect, so I will not say I am perfect at this on any given day, but I can look back and see the progression and say now, I understand what love is and what love isn’t.

We will love you till you can love yourself, with unconditional love, but you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.