Completely and utterly blessed!
It is so very easy for me to say this when I am having a good day or more importantly things are going MY way. If it’s not going my way then I am a very large 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum both in my head and to everyone that will listen to me and not want to listen to me, just let it go.
I don’t know why I do this, maybe because I haven’t grew out of that little child within me or maybe it’s because I just feel like I am right (That’s the sales person in me), or maybe it’s because I just like to debate…and that just boils down to wanting to be right.
Ever just come across a person that just irks you, that makes you lose control of what you say or do…it’s just an automatic reaction?
There is someone that I know that gets so under my skin and I love this person very much. So many of my friends, family, and my sponsor say that the qualities that I see in this person is what I harbor in me and that is why it bothers me so much that I cannot control myself. I practice a program and they do not, so I have to hold myself to different standards.
Most people in recovery will tell you…if it makes you feel something then you should look at it or what step are you practicing? When it comes to this person I do not practice steps. This person is controlling, selfish, and self-centered. There is always motives when they do something. When they are nice there is always a hidden agenda. They will tell you they love you and that they care, but the only way to show it is to buy you something and then throw it in your face. Love is not materialist anyway.
Overtime, after knowing them you see the real them…and I was always asked if you know they act like this, then why do you let it bother you so much? You can say that I hold them to a different standard, I seek their approval, that I want to see them happy, but yet nothing ever makes them happy.
ENOUGH! THIS IS THE PROBLEM….WELL WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?
The solution is within me, it’s my decision, my choices to entertain such negativity. If they are exactly like me, an addict, but they do not have the drugs or hit their bottom yet to know they have these issues then I have to compassionate. I have to listen to what is being said to me and not just react to everything that comes out their mouth or what they do.
I was told that if they are use to me being defensive, argumentative, and verbally aggressive than that is what they always expect of me. How can you change anything if you do not do something different?
Step 1 – I cannot control them only myself and my reactions.
Step 2 – Do something different. Instead of run at the mouth or cause myself grief; listen, be more agreeable, be loving towards a person that is sick.
Step 3 – Trust that the differences that I do portray will change the relationship dynamic.
Caveat: I do not have to accept the unacceptable!
Hold up? What does that mean? I do not have to be a doormat. Being agreeable does not mean letting them just walk on me and being taken advantage of. For me, it’s always been all or nothing. I do something and give it my all or I just will not do it. Remembering that caveat protects me from going to extremes when trying to practice the steps that I have in my life.
There is so much more that I could say about this, but really that sums it up. Its really just that simple. The program I am in is just that simple. I do not practice this perfectly, but it’s getting better. If any part of this post has reached you, if you are still reading and going….wow, Andrea I know what you mean I can relate to this; I have a person in my life exactly like this and I do not know what to do…then just stop, know that you have a choice.